The Team Meeting (会議です）

I love everything about Japan ... except for the work. (It's this reason that I often say that I hope quantum teleportation is invented in my lifetime because if I had that, I'd work in the US and live in Japan or Taiwan)

For a stupid gaijin like me, work in Japan is a bit of a challenge. I often am too direct and unfortunately, that doesn't work over there where multiple factors such as showing respect to someone or not saying something awkward are more important than the truth.

Prior to all department meetings, my group leader Ohashi-san, who reports to Ito-san (the guy that gave me documents which caused me to break a Shinkansen train in Osaka) required me to have a "pre-meeting" with him so that he can tell me what to say as not to offend people. Ohashi-san's job is basically to filter my words into something that doesn't piss people off at the office.

"So John-san, did you get the changes requested by Ito-san done?" asked Ohashi.

"No, it's not done." I relied. "I coded the change to allow users to update their addresses on the second page as requested, but I sent it over to the testing group, and have not heard back from them. I'm sure they will want more stylesheet changes on that table." I replied.

Ohasi-san paused. It means he didn't like my answer.

"John-san" he replied. "Our company is built on the foundation that people complete tasks at the required time. You really cannot say this at the meeting as it will be very disrespectful to the group."

"So what the hell do you want me to say?" I responded back.

"Simply tell them that you are FINISHED with the changes. But are now WAITING FOR THE TESTING." he said back to me.

"Look Ohashi-san, if the testing is not done on the changes... THE CHANGES ARE NOT DONE!" I yelled back at him.

(Now some of you might be wondering how I could be talking like this to a Japanese .. the answer is that the code they are using was originally written by someone I worked with back at the University of Chicago, and that guy's speghetti code programming was INSANE... there's not that many people alive that understand it... I'm one of them... so they are stuck with me.)

"John-san. Please, just do as I ask. お願いします [please]！”

So at the meeting I hear copious amounts of Kego from Ito-san, the ultra-polite form of Japanese ... that really have no meaning to me ...

He concludes with "...我々は将来に行きます　[I think this means we are going into the future].."

There is applause from everyone but me. I'm just sitting in the back with my John Belushi "WTF" look...

People now start to present there status updates. Eventually it's my turn.

”ジョンさん、どうぞ！ [John, please begin!]" said Ito-san.

I grit my teeth...

"そうですね。サイトのテーブルとスタイルシートの変更は終わって、問題が御座いません。　今テストグループ待っている。 [The website table and stylesheet changes are done. No issues. I'm waiting for the testing group now.]"

Ito-san smiles. "良かった！　ありがとうございました！ [wonderful. Thank you!]”

He then turns to the Yamamoto-san of the testing group.

"ジョンさんの変更はテストさせた？ [Have John's changes been tested?]" asks Ito-san.

”はい、テストは終わった。今ドキュメント グループ待って居る [Yes the changes have all been tested. We're now waiting for the document group for the write up.]"