The Polyglot (post date: 2018.02.20)

I like to think of myself as a cultured, multilingual, well-travelled guy.

As a result, when given the chance I tend to want to show everyone how "cool" I am by speaking more than just English... once in a while, however, that backfires spectacularly...

This particular morning, while I was at Whole Foods buying some stuff, an employee came up to me and asked if there was anything he could do to help.
He spoke English with an accent which I thought was hispanic.

Cool, I thought! I'll show him I can speak Spanish...

"No pero gracías. No sé que quiero ahora." [Spanish: No but thanks. I don't know what I want right now] I replied.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I don't speak Spanish. I'm Iranian." he replied.

"Oh, I'm so sorry." I replied. "عفوا" [Arabic: Excuse me]

He looked me awkwardly. "Um, sir Iranians don't speak Arabic. We speak Persian."

Oh Christ. I thought...

"I am SO sorry." I replied. Great John .. major dumbass...

"OH FAEN" I muttered. [Norwegian: curse word]

He looked at me with a big grin. Oh jesus christ I thought. Please NO...

"Du kan snakke norsk?" [Norwegian: you can speak Norwegian] I asked.

"Ja, jeg vokste opp i Norge." [Norwegian: Yeah, I grew up in Norway] he responded.

Wonderful, just wonderful. I say something nice in two languages and he doesn't understand. The language I curse in, well, that's his native language....

Man, at least this can't get any worse ...  to try to break the awkwardness, I might as well just introduce myself.

"Beklager. Forresten, jeg heter John. Hyggelig." [Norwegian: I'm sorry, by the way, I'm John. Nice to meet you.] I responded.

He hesistated... "Ja, det vet jeg. Faktisk, vi allerede har treft siste uke" ... [Norwegian: yeah I know. Actually, we already met last week]