The Masks Part 1

"你是哪裡的人啊 [Hey, where are you from]" asked the cab driver.

When I'm in Taiwan, that is the MOST common question that I get. I have a bit of an American accent when I speak Chinese, but it's mixed in with a bit of Mainland intonations that seems to always drive the Taiwanese crazy.

"我是台灣人啊 [I'm from Taiwan,]" I replied, "但是我在美國長大的然後我老婆是大陸人 [but I grew up in the US and my parents are from China]."

"喔， 原來如此。 所以你口音這麼奇怪！[That explains why your accent is so screwed up!]" replied the cab driver.

I had arrived back to Taiwan in December to visit Mark, my Taipei contact at a new client and to take care of some family matters just when the country opened up again. About a week earlier was when all restrictions were relaxed and people could go back w/o any quarantine, though (as we'll soon talk about) most indoor venues still had some mask and temperature check requirements.

"最近生意好嗎？[How's business recently?]" I asked.

Taiwanese cab drivers are sort of a rare breed. In contrast to Japan taxi drivers who usually say absolutely nothing during a trip, Taiwanese drivers will pretty much talk to you ABOUT ANYTHING... and usually it's damn raunchy...

"好一點兒。[It's getting better.]" replied the driver. "幾天前台灣開放了所以現在大家又開始打出租車了。[Taiwan opened up a few days ago and now people are using Taxis a bit more.]"

"喔。那很好啊 [Oh, that's nice]" I replied.

"但是問題是現在又有那些神經病韓國和日本人來了。 昨天晚上我到了一家老外的酒吧接了一個日本人跟小妹妹。然後他們在我車上開始做男女的事情。。我的媽呀。。看了都要吐！！ [But the problem is that those crazy Japanese and Koreans are coming back. I picked up some Japanese guy at the bar last night from the bar with a girl from a foreigner bar, and they started making out in my car! MY GOD. I THOUGHT WAS GOING TO THROW UP!!!]"

"等等。[But wait a minute,]" I replied. "我常半夜裡可以看到台灣男女生在車上做那些事啊。。這很正常。。[I often seen Taiwanese guys making out with girls in Taxi's late at night. That's not an unusual thing.]"

"你沒懂我的意思。 我不想看韓國和日本人在我車上做那些事！！ [YOU DIDN'T UNDERSTAND ME!]" the cab driver said angrily. "[I SAID I DON'T WANT TO SEE JAPANESE AND KOREAN GUYS MAKING OUT WITH GIRLS IN MY CAB!]"

"但是台灣男上在你車上做是沒問題？ [But Taiwanese guys can make out with girls in your cab?]" I asked.

"對！！ 你現在了解了！！ [RIGHT. NOW YOU GOT IT.] replied the cab driver with a smile.

I started laughing out loud at the absurdity of that comment. I laughed so hard that I ended up breaking the strap on the mask I was wearing in the cab.

I took the mask off and started to put it in my pocket when the cab driver said he'd throw it away for me. So I handed him the mask and we continued chatting about how he hated foreigners "making out" in his cab. I arrived a few minutes later at Daan （大安） station. My plan was to eat lunch （滷肉飯）, then go over to meet the client near Taipei 101.

Though all mask restrictions were relaxed, pretty much everyone still wore masks ... and I had admit, I felt a bit naked without one. I had left the apartment with only one mask, and when that one broke in the cab, and I was empty.

No problem, I thought to myself.. I'll just walk into a pharamcy or Watson's or 康是美 and grab another pack.

As I walked into a drugstore, the girl inside suddenly looked at me in horror.

"先生！ 你需要個口罩才能進來！！ [SIR YOU NEED A MASK TO COME IN HERE!!]" yelled the drugstore lady.

"我沒有口罩。 我來這裡就是因為我需要口罩耶！ [I don't have one. That's why I'm here. I need to buy some masks!]" I replied.

"不好意思。 你沒有口罩完全不能進來！！ [I AM SORRY SIR, YOU ABSOLUTELY CAN'T COME IN HERE WITHOUT A MASK!]"

"那我怎麼買呢？ [SO HOW DO I BUY SOME MASKS??]" I asked in shock.

"你需要個口罩才能進來買東西！ [YOU NEED TO GET A MASK BEFORE YOU CAN COME TO BUY SOME MASKS!]" she replied.

The lunacy of the situation suddenly dawned on me. OH MY GOD. I CAN'T BUY MASKS WITHOUT FIRST HAVING A MASK. And there's probably no way I can get on a bus or subway to go home to get another mask... I AM SCREWED!!!