The File Upload

In almost all cafe's or restaurants, Japan has the weird rule that while they give you free internet, it's limited to only an hour at a time. Once the hour is up, you are either done for the day or need to re-authenticate... on this occasion, this caused utter HAVOK for me ...

So while at a Tokyo client this week, Haruna and her boyfriend Ronnie came out from Taiwan for a visit. At that point, it was still a good day since it's been over an hour since Haruna and I have yelled at each other.

We're sitting at the Starbucks at Ito Yokado when I get a call from Ken out in California.

"John can you hear me?" asked Ken. He didn't start the conversation with any insult. That means he needs something...

"It's 10AM here in Japan. But yeah what's up?" I replied.

"I can't get the test build installed on the VMsphere server. Did you get it working?" said Ken.

"Yeah, but not directly. I was able to get it installed on VMware Fusion for Mac, then convert the image to an OVA file, which could then be imported into VMsphere." I replied.

(and by the way, this is IT standard fare. When a direct approach to do something doesn't work, people like us will try weird convoluted ways do it do things... and more often than not, one of those ways will work. In this case a direct install of App A on server A doesn't work. However install App A on server B then copying server B to server A will work .... "black magic" ... )

"It seems you're the only one that has a working image of that. Can you upload it to our main ESXi server?" asked Ken.

"Yeah, that's fine." I said. "However that thing is like 10GB, so it will take a bit to finish." I replied.

"OK, can you try to finish it up tonight? We have testing set to begin tomorrow and we don't have any testing environment." said Ken.

"Yeah that's fine. Let me start on it in now." I said.

"Cool. Thanks. Also don't forget you need to download our home-grown two-factor authentication app to your phone before you can get on our VPN since we stopped using DUO". 

"All right. That's fine. See you." I said before hanging up."

I hang up the mobile phone and tried to figure the order of things I needed to do for this task.

I tell Haruna and Ronnie that I may need an hour or so to upload a large file to a client server.

"That's fine John, you're never punctual. We're used it by now.." replied Haruna sarcastically.

"Oh I'm NOT PUNCTUAL? What about that time you made Ronnie and I wait for 2 hours because you couldn't figure our WHAT THE F--- TO WEAR for Randall's party???" I yelled back at her.

"I don't see what the problem is there? When a GIRL's late it's because she has too much work to do. When a GUY'S late it's because he's lazy!!" she said with a devious smile.

I am LIVID... "THAT IS THE STUPIEST THING I.."

"Kids," replied Ronnie while drinking his latte. "I just want to enjoy my time in Japan, so can you please NOT start the psychopath convention today?"

I shake my head and then go back to work. I break down my tasks into the following:

• Get laptop on Wifi at Starbucks
• Download MFA app on phone
• Get on VPN->login to VM server
• Upload VM file to server
• DONE!

1. Get laptop on WIFI

I take out my MacBook Pro, and then get on the Starbucks Wifi.

"Welcome to StarBucks Free Wifi. To continue please enter your email address."

So I enter my email address.

"You will now have internet for 10 minutes. Please check your email for the Starbucks Free Wifi Confirmation Link."

For some reason, Japan HATES the idea of free Wifi. Even when there is such a thing, it's usually setup with VERY WEIRD authentication rules.

In this case, to authenticate for free Wifi, I need to enter my email. I then have 10 minutes of internet access. During these 10 minutes, I need to open my mail, and then click on an email address verify link from Starbucks. Once I do this, ONLY THEN will I have free internet access...

"Email address VERIFIED. You now have FREE INTERNET for 60 minutes."

2. Download MFA app from Google Play

So I take out my cell phone, then open Google Store. I found the custom Multi-factor authentication app that Ken was talking about, then start downloading it.

"We are sorry it seems you have Android Developer Options enabled on this Phone. For security reasons, the app will not install on a phone with this setting enabled. Please disable Developer Options and try the install again."

Oh no... Jesus Christ. I can't disable developer options since I'm using it for something else.

"Ronnie you got an Android Phone?" I asked.

"No. I've got an iPhone. Why?" he responded.

"I need to install an Android authentication app to get on a client's VPN," I replied. "But it's not working for my phone."

"Haruna's got an Android phone" responded Ronnie. "Why don't you try the install there?" he says with a devious smile.

Ronnie and I both turn to look at Haruna on the other side of the table. She looks backs at us with utter contempt. But after a few seconds, she hands us her phone.

"You break it, you pay for it!" she replies while looking me angrily. 

I open Google Play Store, and then install the Multi-Factor-Authentication app there w/o any issues.

3. Get on VPN

So after the MFA app install. I start the VPN app. The VPN for Ken's company requires 2 tokens: a "push" to one's phone and an email authentication. I login, get an email link on my phone, click the link. Then I see a "Push" on the MFA app on Haruna's phone, then hit "Authorize"

"Error - MISMATCH of IP Address of the confirmation email and MFA app"

WHAT THE F---? It seems that the VPN does not like that I confirmed the EMAIL on one PHONE and did the MFA authorize on another phone. I guess I need to now setup MY MAILBOX on Haruna's phone.

"Haruna, I need to setup my mail on your phone." I said...

"WHAT?" she yelled back angrily.

I add my mailbox on Haruna's phone, and it then proceeds to sync... downloading around 50,000 messages.

"John, I trust you are not going to infect my phone?" asks Haruna angrily.

After my mailbox syncs on her phone, I try the VPN again and get on successfully.

4. Upload File

After all that, I finally login to Ken's site and start the file upload to Ken's server.

Upload progress 10%

At that point, I remove the MFA app and my mailbox. I then hand Haruna's phone back to her.

Upload progress 25%

"Can we go now?" yelled Haruna. "I'm starving!!"

Upload progress 38%

"Yeah, yeah. Once I'm done with the file upload we can go eat." replied back.

Upload progress 45%

"John" asked Haruna. "WHERE THE BLOODY HELL IS MY MAILBOX?"

Upload progress 56%

Oh shit. Did I accidentally delete HER mailbox as well?

"Did you just delete something on my phone???" Haruna asks.

Upload progress 61%

"Um, yeah I after I added my mailbox on your phone, I deleted it." I said timidly.

"YOU BLOODY IDIOT!!!! YOU ALSO DELETED MY MAILBOX!!!"

Oh SH*T I thought to myself. This is NOT GOOD...

Upload progress 74%

"Just re-add the mailbox, Haruna!" I said back to her.

"I CAN'T RE-ADD IT SINCE I DON'T HAVE THE BLOODY PASSWORD YOU STUPID WANKER." Haruna yelled back at me.

People at Starbucks now are starting to notice her shouting.

Upload progress 89%

"Haruna", said Ronnie. "We'll fix it, ok? I think I have your password back at the hotel. Let's go right now. John? Are you done?"

At this point Haruna is red with anger.

Upload progress 96%

Ninety-six percent. Come on you bastard ... come on! I thought to myself.

"John?" asked Ronnie.

Upload progress 96%

"Are we good?" asked Ronnie more urgently.

Upload progress 96%

Oh NO! NO! NO! I thought to myself. PLEASE NO!!!!!!!!!

UPLOAD FAILED. INTERNET CONNECTIVITY LOST.

"Your 60 minutes of free internet has expired. Please RE-AUTHENTICATE to continue. Thank you for using the Starbucks FREE WIFI!"