The Embassy Visit

So last week, while back in Japan, I went to the Norwegian Embassy in Tokyo to pick up some notarized documents. Since I've been here a few times before, I know the security guard at the gates. I stopped over and said hello to him. I then told him that I'm here for some documents.

The guard then called to the office and came back to tell me they have them and that someone will bring them outside to me in a bit.

So as I waited at the gate, we started to chat. Suddenly a Norwegian guy left the compound, got into his car and proceeded to drive out. However he forgot that in Japan they drive on the left and turned his rather expensive looking BMW into the wrong lane.

"おい！[Hey！]" yelled the guard in English. "WRONG LANE!! LEFT!!"

The driver waved his hand and shouted "Sorry!"

The guard shook his head in frustration.

"ばか人だね！[Stupid person]" said the guard. "毎週やっただよ！[He does this EVERY WEEK]."

Now the guard, who seemed to be in his late sixties, is one of my favorite people to visit here, as he basically just trashes everyone in sight. If Dave Chappalle ever creates a Japan version of his show... he needs to hire this guy as a writer.

While he's going off on the Norwegian driver, a dad takes his daughter past the embassy gates. After they enter , the dad pointed to the other side of the street where there was a drink vending machine.

"Look honey" said the father to the little girl in English. "There's another vending machine. Japan has A LOT of vending machines, doesn't it?"

As they passed, the guard mumbled to me "YES, Japan also has A LOT OF STUPID PEOPLE".

While I laughed at his statement, I saw that the norsk driver backed his car out of the wrong lane and then moved into the correct one on the left. However he didn't align it correctly and crashed into the curb on the first attempt.

"おい！[Hey]" shouted the guard.

"Sorry." replied the driver.

Now normally, I don't like to trash people I don't know (I save that for my friends), but this guy was an exception.

"絶対ばかだね！[What an idiot]" I said to the guard. "あの人！[Those people！]"

Literally the second I said that, the car got into the correct lane, and started to drive out. The gates then opened, and then the car stopped at the checkpoint. The driver rolled down his window.

What I forgot .... is that Norway is a pretty small country and a lot of people know each other.

"John?" said the driver. "Er det deg? [Is that you?]"

Oh Jesus Christ, I thought to myself.

"Uh Hei Lars, ja det er meg. [Hi Lars, yeah it's me.]" I muttered. "Lenge siden [Long time]"

Lars then got out of the car and quickly walked towards us. The guard then looked at me in shocked disgust.

"JOHN! Så hyggelig å se deg her!! [John! It's SO NICE TO SEE YOU HERE]" shouted Lars as he shook my hand.

He then turned to the guard.

"This was my neighbor from Norway!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?? He used to talk to me about Japan and IT'S BECAUSE OF HIM THAT I CAME HERE!!!"