The Dollar General (Part 3)

"Oh you shouldn't eat those pies and cakes." said Haruna to Mike and the kid. "They are nothing but saturated fats and sugar. Do you know what they do to laboratory animals?"

Mike looks up at Haruna.

"Oh really?" replied Mike sarcastically. "Do tell me more."

Unfortunately, Haruna didn't understand this type of American sarcasm. She thought Mike was genuinely interested in her insanity.

"Lovely" replied Haruna. "I'd be glad to!"

Haruna then starts quoting recent NIH studies that showed elevated levels on sugar greatly affected the aging of cells...

As she rambles on, Mike then gives me that guy look. The look that said "OH DUMBASS, THIS IS YOUR PROBLEM... HOW ARE YOU GOING TO FIX THIS?"

"in fact they also have shown that sugar also affects the telomeres on DNA strands ..."

"OK Haruna" I interrupted. "I think he's got it. Thank you!"

"Yes THANK YOU, MISS HARUNA." replied Mike sarcastically.

I grabbed Haruna and went into another aisle.

"Jesus Christ. 如果你不閉嘴你會把我們搞死了。。。[If you don't shut-up you're going to get our asses kicked.]" I shouted quietly at her.

"你在說啥啊？ [what are you talking about?]" asked Haruna. "他很有興趣聽我說的話啊 [He was really interested in hearing what I had to say]."

小春！[Haruna!] I shouted. "他在挖苦你！他在挖苦你！[HE'S BEING SARCASTIC!] 他完全不想聽你說的話 [HE HAS ABSOLUTELY NO INTEREST IN HEARING WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY]!!! OK??"

Haruna looked shocked.

"真的假的啊？[Really?]" replied Haruna.

"YES" I shouted. "不要再批評這些人買的東西 好不好！！！ [JUST STOP CRITICIZING WHAT THEY ARE BUYING OK???]"

"好啊 好啊。 就不要生氣耶！ [OK! OK! Just calm down!]" replied Haruna somewhat annoyed at me.

We paid for our stuff and started to walk out. By then, the sixty year old cashier and pretty much the entire store were staring at us.

When we approached the entrance, we saw another guy come in, grab a 7up out of the fridge by the door. He then immediately opened it, and took a sip.

Unfortunately for me, Haruna was in rare form on this day.

"You know," said Haruna to the guy with the opened 7up bottle. "you haven't paid for that yet, technically, that's theft."

OH MY FU**ING GOD!!!

"What?" said the guy with the drink.

"Hey man I'm really sorry!" I replied. I grabbed Haruna's arm and rushed her out the door. Outside, Haruna looked at me confused ... and I lost it...

"WHAT THE F**K!!!" I shouted. "你不是剛說你不會再說話了嗎？？？？ [Didn't you JUST TELL ME YOU WOULDN'T SAY ANYTHING??]"

"你說我不能批評他們購物[You said I couldn't criticize their shopping!]" replied Haruna. "剛剛的不是啊！ 他在偷東西! [That wasn't shopping. That was shoplifting!]"

HOLY SH*T I thought to myself. Haruna and I then got into the rental car and then started to back up.

I thought the day's drama was now over ... I was wrong.

"哎呀 [Oh] John!" said Haruna, "這個飲料太冰了。。。我喝不了。可不可以開門一下？ 我想回去換一瓶溫的 [This drink is TOO COLD. I can't drink it. Can you open the door so I can go in and exchange it for a warm one?]"

"John, John 你為什麼不開門啊？ [why aren't you opening the door???]"