The Documents and the train (2018-03-01)

“[ジョンさん。全然大丈夫だよ。] It’s no problem , John. Here are the translated documents for your presentation on the data-linking model. Just take them to Suita station, and give them to Yamamoto-san, he’s your contact for the venture capital company. What station are you at now?” asked my manager Ito-san over mobile phone.

“Oh right, I met Yamamoto-san last year. So that’s fine. I’m at Shin-Osaka station at the moment.” I replied.

“Great! Just get on the Kyoto line train and you’re there in two stops maybe 10 minutes. I’ll call Yamamoto and tell him to go to that station now. 頑張って！” replied Ito-san.

OK. So I got dressed, grabbed the Fedex package, hauled-ass to the JR Shin-Osaka station, and jumped on the Kyoto line train.

On the train, I was sort of lost in thought for a while about what I wanted to do for dinner (Should I head up to Kyoto to eat, or should I go back to Osaka and perhaps head further south to Kobe….) I eventually realized that I had been on the train a LONG time for two stops… so I asked the salaryman next to me.

“「すみません。いつ吹田駅に止まりますか？」Excuse me, when do we stop at Suita station?” I asked.

He looked at me in surprise. “Oh, sorry, but you got on the super-express train. We passed Suita station around 20 minutes ago.”

“Oh…” I said. “What’s the next stop?”

“The next stop is Kyoto (40km away). You’ll need to stop there and catch the train back to Suita. “ he said with one of the most insincere smiles I’ve ever seen. I knew what he was thinking, “stupid gaijin… “

The phone rang. It was my boss, Ito. I knew what he was going to say. He was going to bitch at me. “John-san, where are you? Yamamoto-san is waiting. Japan is a very punctual country, this isn’t America?” Jesus Christ… I decided not to answer.

When i finally got off at Kyoto station. I saw that I had 11 call attempts from Ito-san. I also saw that the next super-express train back to Shin-Osaka was in 3 minutes. Unfortunately, the trains going the opposite direction required me to run up a flight of stairs, then over the tracks and then down another flight… so I hauled my fat-ass.

When I ran down that last flight of stairs, the doors had already begun to close. I lunged to the door, stuck my arm in the doorway to stop its closing, yanked the doors back literally for dear life, and threw myself in… at this point, I freely admit, I has half delirious, sweating and panting… but who cared, I made it.

I noticed people were staring at me, which was to be expected… crazy foreigner… but after a few seconds i realized they were not staring at me, but rather at the door behind me… which was still open… hmmm that's interesting ... somehow ... it got stuck …

The train driver made an announcement. “Ladies and gentlemen, we seem to have a problem with one of the doors closing. We will have someone come to check this immediately. We thank you for your patience. ”

A team of technicians dressed in what looked like fashionable swat attire came over to assess the damage… a few minutes later… they gave their prognosis…. negative.

“Ladies and gentlemen. We are very sorry, but one of the train doors has been damaged and cannot be repaired. We unfortunately now must cancel this super-express service to Osaka. Will everyone please disembark as soon as possible. We thank you for your understanding. 申し訳御座いません [This is inexcusable. This expression, pronounced "mo-siwake-gozaimasen" is the most formal way to apologize in Japanese. It's usually followed by a 90 degree bow]。”

Ito-san has now called me 23 times. The next train to head down to Osaka was a local train that stopped at EVERY station. I decided to get on that. I put on my headset and looked down at the floor the entire time…. I generally don’t understand Osaka-dialect, but I do understand the sentence “some crazy foreigner broke the door on the last train”, which I heard several times.

When I had finally arrived at Suita station, two hours later, it was already dark. Yamamoto-san, as expected, was nowhere to be found. I decided to leave the documents with the station chief so that Yamamoto could pick them up later. At this point, Ito-san, who had attempted to call 36 times, called me again. I decided I needed to answer. I got myself into apology mode.

“もしもし。ジョンです。 Hello, this is John.” i said rather slowly. I readied myself for the yelling I was about to receive.

“John-san, this is Ito. We tried calling several times.”, he said.

“I know. Sorry, but my phone battery died and I just noticed it.”, I replied, which was a blatant lie. “I don’t see Yamamoto here.”

The next sentence was literally the perfect way to end the day, “John-san, we gave you the wrong documents. When we found out we let Yamamoto-san know immediately so he never showed up. However we couldn’t call you so you must have been waiting at that station the whole time… we are so sorry… is it possible you can go again tomorrow...?”