The Seinfeld Show

A few weeks ago, my friend AJ and I went to see Jerry Seinfeld in Las Vegas at Caesar's Palace.

Neither of us bought tickets, it was just "spur of the moment" so we waited in line to see if we could just get "standby" seats at the last minute.

We got there early, and were basically at the front, so we fully expected to get tickets.

While AJ and I were waiting, we saw two girls walk back and forth scanning the crowd. Their perfume was noticeable from a mile away, and they were dressed pretty inappropriately, even by Vegas standards... while walking back and forth, one girl makes eye-contact with AJ and smiles.

"AJ, don't smile back", I said.

"John, come on, those girls are HOT" AJ replied.

AJ smiles back at the girl.

"Yeah, by Walmart Standards." I replied back.

The wait was long, as they first sat normal ticket-holders... AJ and I ended up standing there for over an hour. Eventually our standby line started moving. When we almost got to the front (at that point there were only 20 or so people ahead of us) we were approached by the two girls.

One girl, who we later found out was named Missy looked at AJ's Metallica t-shirt.

"Oh you like Metallica, I LOVE them!" Missy said with a really annoying "valley-girl" accent.

"Oh yeah, me too, my band and I always play them at concerts." AJ responded.

"You're in a BAND, that's soooo COOL" replied the other girl, who was named Sierra. "You must be the guitarist".

"I am." AJ replied with a smile.

I gave both girls a pretty disgusted look, and they didn't say a word to me. Their cheap CVS "buy 1 get 1 free" perfume really started to get on my nerves. I knew what they wanted. They were trying to pull off Larry David's "Chat and Cut" routine. They wanted tickets to the show, they didn't want to wait, they saw AJ look at them ... bingo.

As the line started to move, they started to move with us.

The girls and AJ were now fully engaged in talking. Missy mentioned that they called Jerry's room last night and actually got through since, according to them, hotels need to connect all calls, even if they seem to be suspicious.

"Oh I LOVE JERRY SEINFELD", Sierra mentioned. "He would TOTALLY LOVE ME IF HE MET ME".

Yeah I thought, the same way he would love gout.

There were now about 5 people in front of us. Missy hugs AJ, and in the process actually gets into line in front of me.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

Missy looked at me. "Oh I just thought since we're friends now.."

"Well, I think you're friends with AJ, but not with me... sorry. The line starts back there." I said.

Missy looks at AJ.

AJ, who apparently is VERY into these girls, gives me the "JOHN WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING" look. But even he doesn't say anything.

A few more awkward moments pass. The girls then finally walk away.

"John, what the hell did you just do?" asked AJ angrily.

"Dude, you KNOW they were just using you to get to the front of the line." I replied.

"Yeah, but SO" he shouted at me. "I don't mind being used by HOT GIRLS..."

"Come on, AJ. That was the right thing to do." I said. "And you know it."

We notice the girls start walking back and forth again. Their demeanor changing to one of desperation. As we get tickets, I see one of the girls walk up to a security person.

"Excuse me sir, do you think we might be able to get tickets if we waited in line now." asked Sierra.

"I doubt it." he replied.

I felt really smug, yeah, last time those girls try to pull something like this. There is justice in the world.

Literally a second after I finish that thought the security guard reaches into his pocket...

"But you know what, you seem like nice girls. Just take these tickets, they're on in front row. On the house..."