The Parenting Technique

In Asian culture, when kids throw a tantrum, parents will often resort of threats of abandoning the kid unless they stop. They will say really horrible stuff like "If you don't stop now, I'm going to leave you here by yourself... you'll be an orphan living on the streets. Mommy and daddy will just get a new kid.."

Now I'm all for bringing up kids with "TOUGH-LOVE" but I absolutely HATE this; especially for younger kids. At that age, they won't know that this is just an idle threat...

A couple days ago, just before Ronnie and Haruna were to leave Japan to go back to Taiwan, and while her boyfriend Ronnie was busy with an errand, I met up with Haruna and her 62 year-old dad, his new 28 year-old wife (Haruna is only 2 years younger than her new "STEP-MOM"), and Haruna's young half-brother Taro-kun who's 3.

After lunch, Haruna offered to babysit her brother for the afternoon.

Later, Haruna, myself and her half-brother, aimlessly walked around the Kinshicho district of east Tokyo chatting and drinking cold drinks.

When Ronnie, Haruna and I are together, we tend to speak English. Oddly, when it's just myself and Haruna ... we speak in Chinese.

“所以妳為什麼一天到晚都這麼這麼緊張呢 [So, WHY are you always so stressed out? You worry about literally EVERYTHING]" I asked while drinking a Pocari Sweat drink.

As we are walking, Haruna's little brother is clearly smitten with his "big sister" and insists on being carried by her.

“我跟你說實話，如果我常緊張，不好的狀況就不會出現。 如果我開心起來，不好的狀況會立刻出現 [I'll be honest with you. When I worry about everything, everything thing tends to work out. If I don't worry, something bad always happens!]" Haruna replied.

She went on to explain to me that she feels in some cosmic zen way, she's not meant to be REALLY happy. If she's in a good situation where she's really content, something bad will always happen to change that good situation. If she makes herself stressed out in that good situation, she doesn't enjoy it as much, but then nothing bad will happen.

”你上次很開心的時候是多久以前？ [So when was the last time you were REALLY happy?]" I asked.

Haruna thought quietly for a few seconds while holding Taro.

"在那家星巴克見到你，Ronnie 和 Randall。 [At the coffee shop when I met you, Ronnie, and Randall that day.]" she replied. 我兩個禮拜隔離時候沒有跟一個人說話。 所以那天我特別開心你們跟我聊天！ [I had just gotten out of quarantine, had not spoken to anyone in 2 weeks, and was SO HAPPY that you guys were flirting with me].

"然後呢 [So what happened afterward?]" I asked.

"那天晚上回家的時候我手機就搞丟了。 我擔心死了Ronnie會第二天給我打電話所以我跑了一晚上找新手機和SIM卡。[That night when I went home I ended up losing my phone. I was really worried that I would miss Ronnie's call the next day, so I ended up spending the entire night running around trying to get a new phone and SIM card ... ]" she replied with a smile.

As we both laughed, she put down Taro, who immediately began crying and sits down on the sidewalk.

"wahhhhhhhhhh" Taro screamed in anger.

I went to try to pick him up, but he obviously doesn't want that and pushes me back.

“你不要再哭了。 如果繼續哭，姐姐就把你丟在這裡啊啊啊 [Don't cry. If you keep crying, big sister is going to just leave you here.]" replied Haruna.

"Waaaaaaaaa" screamed Taro. He cried so hard that he falls over.

“哎呀你不要再哭！！ 你再哭你就會變成一個孤兒喔。。。[STOP CRYING! if you keep crying you'll be an orphan]" ... said Haruna sternly as she points at him.

Haruna turned her back on Taro and grabbed me so as to pretend to walk away from the kid.

I was a little bit taken aback by this and said could we try a possibly less barbaric parenting technique?

"為什麼？ 我們的父母就這樣對我們啊 [Why? This is what our parents did to us.]" she replied.

"Yeah and we're totally screwed up." I said sarcastically in English.

She looks at me deviously. But then turns and walks back to Taro, who's still crying He puts his hands out, expecting his big sister to pick him up again.

"如果你繼續哭，我就把你交給這個大胖豬！ [If you don't stop crying, I'll hand you over to this fat pig here!]" she said, while pointing at me. "你就會當他的孩子了！ [You'll be HIS KID]"

"WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 姐姐不要，就把我丟在這裡 [BIG SISTER NO!!! JUST LEAVE ME HERE!!!!!]"